


Grief

by stardustpoison



Category: Sam and Colby
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I put my dick in, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, i tell you about the making out but not the
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 23:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19260940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustpoison/pseuds/stardustpoison
Summary: Y/N finds comfort again.





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> This. is. it.

The traphouse has never been so silent, everyone attempting to distract themselves, trying to pretend like this never happened.  Everyone took the news differently and everyone is reacting differently. Corey stays with Devyn most nights and when he doesn't, he's only in the house to sleep. Elton stays in the garage with Circa, doing anything but what needs done. Aaron sleeps more now than before, while Jake seems to never sleep anymore. Between Sam and myself, people have told us we were sharing the grief. It wasn't true, Sam was taking it harder. He barely slept or ate. Sleeping was hard for him now, the nightmares usually kept him awake. They had gotten so bad that Katrina had switched shifts at her job to keep him conpany when he woke up. It was heart-wrenching to hear him go through that.  I sighed, pulling myself away from thinking about it as I took the fabric in between my fingers, pulling it close to my face so I could nuzzle into it, I felt tears start to prick my eyes. My fingers tracing the embroidered letters on the front of article. "Fuck, Colbs." I mumbled, pulling it away from my face and began folding it.  
    It had been a month and it still felt like no one spoke to each other, felt like Colby had been the glue holding us together. It felt like it had been so long since I talked to anyone who wasn't Katrina or Jake when he came around to ask if I needed anything. I talked to Jake much more often than I did before, he seemed to be the only one who listens until he leaned his head on my shoulder and pass out for a couple of minutes. I was surprised that none of the house had gone stir-crazy or homesick in Corey's case, but I guess that's how grief works. I shook off the thoughts and placed the folded article on the bed, before deciding to get up. I crossed the hall and knocked gently on the door, I knew I wouldn't get an answer and when I didn't I pushed in the door. "Sam?" I whispered, unable to tell if he was awake or not. He shifted slightly and I stepped into his room, closing the door behind me.   
   "Sam, you should talk to me. I need to hear someone else speak besides Kat or Jake." I offered a smile but he just stared at the wall beside his bed, it fell as quickly as it came. "Sam, please." I sat in the free space of his bed. He inhaled and rolled over so he was on his back, facing the ceiling. "I can't say I know whats going through your head but I can tell you that I'm here if need be and I can also tell you that I think I'm losing my fucking mind." Sam stifled a laugh, biting back a smile. He dropped his hand from his head glancing at me, "Don't tell Katrina because I haven't even talked to her yet. " His voice was low and hoarse from not being used for so long, he let out a smile. "Oh, thank god. I was beginning to think I was nuts." I smiled at him as he sat up, messing with his hair a bit. The room suddenly fell silent and we were both back to thinking, "Shit, Sam. I don't know how I managed before. I hate being alone." I mumbled, turning so my back was against the headboard, tucking my legs in so I was cross-legged. He shifted so he was in front of me, sitting the same way. "I was going nuts, Sam." He nodded, "me too, Katrina hasn't been much of a help. I don't think she understands."   
   We talked for what felt like hours about everything, things we wanted to talk about to other people. "I always liked you, more than I liked anyone else Colby was with." Sam spoke in a soft tone, his words sending a blush across my face. "Whys that?" He shrugged, "You were... nice to me. It was weird coming from a girl Colby was with. I mean, you were nice to me all the time, not just when he was around. Hell, if I had met you first..." he trailed off, glancing at my lips and then up again. I nodded my head slightly, waiting. He bit his lip and leaned in and the next thing you know, he's kissing me. And, I let him. I do more than let him. I encourage him. He places his hands on my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck. We shift, somehow without breaking the kiss. We pull apart to breathe and he looks me in the eyes and I just nod. It was like a different world, a movie fantasy. His lips are on mine again and it feels like home, a different home, a _new_ home. It's different but it's good. I feel his hand travel from my hips, under my shirt. We pull away again so he can pull off my shirt. If anyone came it, it would be hard to explain as anything other than what was happening and right now, I didn't care.  
   Both of us were sweaty, panting messes by the end. I glanced at the clock. 6:45. I look at Sam, who had his eyes closed as his lungs desperately clawed for air. I leaned over, pushing one hand through his hair. "I'm gonna shower." I whisper, holding back the urge to kiss him again. He nods, keeping his eyes closed. I smile, dragging my hand down his cheek before standing up to tug on my clothes. It was only when I got into the shower that I realised what happened. The cold water running down my skin as I put shampoo into my hand, running it through my hair. I heard a soft knock on the shower room door, "It's Sam." I felt the smile spread across my lips as guilt dripped into my stomach. I leaned out of the shower, twisting the handle to unlock it before recoiling back in as I heard the door creak open. "You feel it too?" I asked, spreading conditioner on my hand. I heard him sigh, "the guilt or the other thing?" I leaned my head back into the water.   
   Wrapping my towel around my body,  I push back the curtain. "I want don't want to do it because of the guilt and how crushed Katrina would be, but theres a part of me that just wants to..." he looked away from me, trailing his sentence off.   
     
  Both of us were guilty. Neither one of right, he was guilty because of Katrina. He loved her a lot but she didn't understand what had had been going through and I was guilty because I slept with Colby's best friend, all because I missed him. There's a part of me that thinks its ok because Colby would have just wanted me to move on and be happy but the other part knows that he would have wanted me to wait or to be with anyone else other than Sam, but thats whats funny. I don't give a shit about the guilt anymore.


End file.
